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DEAR TERESA: FOR FIVE YEARS, MY WIFE REFUSED ME SEX

FOR FIVE YEARS, MY WIFE REFUSED ME SEX

Dear Teresa,

My name is Kind. I married my wife twenty years ago and we are blessed with six boys and a girl. They are all in various classes in their schools. In 2010, I found out that my wife was having an affair with her ex-boyfriend. When I asked her, she did not deny it and the boy said she told him she has left her husband and that was why they started sexing themselves again. At that time, I wanted to leave her but both families said I should forgive her and I forgave her. The problem now is that for the past five years, she has refused me sex. In addition to this, she does nothing to help the children and even to buy ordinary matches for the house, she does not. When I asked what the problem is, she gave me no reply. Please Ma, I need your advice. Thanks

Kind

By Text Message

 

Dear Kind,

Sex in marriage is not only important but a very potent force in marriage. Apart from being a bond and bridge builder, it is also very important because marriage is the only place where a couple can get sex to satisfy their emotional and sexual needs. Anything sex outside marriage is adultery. Therefore, when you consider the strategic position occupied by marital sex in marriage, it becomes difficult to imagine why a wife should deny her husband sex for a year not to talk of five whole years, except that she wants to make a statement. This exactly, is the situation in your case. As far as your wife is concerned, the marriage died the day both of you were forced to continue the marriage. This is the simple reason why she has taken her hands off all her notable domestic contributions. The reality of the present situation is that your wife shut down the marriage five years ago and you have done well to have kept it going hoping that things will change for the better, but instead things have gone from bad to worse. In all honesty, it is a very pitiable situation. Hopefully, both families are already aware of what is going on. But if they do not know, tell them before you take any decision. Telling them is not only for their information and for a possible adjudication with a view to saving the marriage if not for anything, for the sake of the children.

 

SHOULD I CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP

Dear Teresa,

My name is Anderson. I am 21 plus and I will be graduating this yearI met this girl about 5 months ago and she will be graduating next year. Well, when I met this girl, I fell in love with her. Even though she had told me that she already had a boyfriend, I said it was alright. But 2 weeks ago, she called me and said she wanted to buy some clothes and I intend to do that for her because I love her. However, the problem is that I don’t know whether I can continue the relationship with her. Please, I need your help Madam because I am in love with this girl.

Anderson

By Text Message

 

Dear Anderson,

Your text message did not explain why you cannot continue your relationship with that girl. She was honest enough to tell you that she already had a boyfriend. Under that condition, she cannot give you her full attention and I expect you should understand that since you agreed to manage that situation right from the beginning. Therefore, be patient with her while she is battling to make up her mind. On the other hand, it is very possible that this her request is an obstacle placed before you to test your love for her and what you do will definitely enable her take her decision in your favour or against you.

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Dear Teresa,

Good evening Ma. My name is Sarah and I live in Asaba. I met a guy and now this guy is asking me for sex. My worry is that this week makes it the second week. Since we met and the problem of sex is already on the ground when we hardly know each other. What should I do?

Sarah

By Text Message

 

Dear Sarah,

The fact that you wrote to seek my advice clearly shows that you are not a wayward girl. You have done well by resisting this type of immoral attack from someone you barely know. Ideally, lovemaking is supposed to be based on the affection between two consenting adults; otherwise, it will become an act of prostitution. My advice is this. When next both of you meet and he asks for sex, tell him you are not a prostitute because it is the prostitute that gives sex to a man she does not know.

 

 

HOW DO I KNOW THAT I GUY LOVES ME?

Dear Teresa,

Good morning ma, I saw your number in Ika Weekly Newspapers and I decided to seek your advice. My problem is that I do not know the ways that will show you that a guy truly loves you. Please Ma, can you enlighten me?

No name

By Text Message

 

Dear Young lady,

There are a few things to look out for in a guy who is truly in love with you. Please take particular note of the words, “truly-in-love-with-you”. The things to look out for will be found in his body language and the way he behaves towards you. To begin with, he will always prefer to spend his free time with you instead of being somewhere else. He will never do anything to offend you. This includes respecting your wishes. If for example, you say you do not want sex, he will never try to force you against your will. Such a guy will never speak evil of you, whether in your presence or behind your back. In fact, he will only see the good things that you do and that is what he will always talk about. But always remember that whatever he does, he is doing it to reciprocate your disposition towards him and so, do not think that he is a fool because if you try to tell him to in words or by action that he is stupid, he will not be violent but he might react in a way you will ever live to regret. Therefore, if you find a guy that pampers you, try to treat him well.

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